You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
