WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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