I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize