I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
