God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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