you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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