she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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