Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
