My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
