Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
