Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
