I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
