he wants to bone in the snuggie
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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