Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
