meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
