I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
