I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
