fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
