in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
