just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize