well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
