His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
