i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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