Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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