she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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