I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
