you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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