please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam†written on my chest in frosting.
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