Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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