On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm at about main and main street
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am naked and annoyed.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
