i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
