Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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