I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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