she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
