my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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