blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
