I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
