My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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