The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
