i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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