i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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