how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
smell my finger.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
