Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
