Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
