Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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