I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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