I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
