I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
