I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
