he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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