i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize