Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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