My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize