dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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