Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
