he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
