She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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