i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
