My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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