i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
