Your tits are I can't wait for
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
