is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
