Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it hurts more in the daytime
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
