We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
