After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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