I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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