My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
