i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
