I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
