A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
