There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there was a trapeze. enough said
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
